Sunday, April 16, 2006

A friend, or not?

I have had a friend for over 15 years of my life. I met her not long after I moved to the great state of Florida. I have always thought highly of her and her family. The longer we were friends the more they became like family. She has two wonderful children that I have watch grow into young adults. She has always been there for me, in all the bad times that I had gone through as well as those few good times and vise versa. Needless to say, in the past 15 years I to have grown into an adult and have made something of myself and I am no longer in dire need of her help and assistant. I still need her friendship though. I moved from Central Florida (which is were my friend lives) six years ago. At that time in my life I had experienced one of the most tragic things anyone could experience. I left and moved to North Florida to make a new and fresh start in my life. I did that and now six years later I feel as if my friend is not my friend. I also wonder if she ever really was? I can't share any aspect of my life with her anymore. She doesn't want to hear anything about my life, good or bad. When I try to speak to her about things that are happening in my life she honestly doesn't want to hear it, she will change the subject to something that concerns her. In the past six years she has been to see me maybe four or five times. I have been to see her more times than I can count. I have been feeling like our friendship is one sided and I'm doing all the work. I don't understand why this is happening? I will be honest, this has been going on now for a few years. It started not long after I moved. I wonder if the problem is that I have moved on and made a few of my dreams come true and she is still where she was when I left? I don't know. I have tried everything to keep our friendship alive. If it weren't for me we probably wouldn't even be speaking today. I wonder why I am the only one in our friendship who tries to keep it alive? Can someone honestly be your friend and not want or need to be a part of your life? What would be the point of a friendship then? I often ask myself why I care so much? Why do I keep trying so hard to make our friendship work? I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of not being able to share my life with her. Isn't that what friends are for? To share in our lives and to be there for us no matter what? What kind of a friend doesn't want to share in your life? A true friend would never do this, right? I would never do this to my friends. This is where my question comes in, is she really my friend or not?

It kills me that this is happening. I love my friend dearly as well as her family. There were times in my life if it weren't for her I don't know what I would have done. I have agonized over this for years and I'm so tired of the worrying over it. Should I walk away, or keep trying?

I know that my best friend has heard my complaining about this for a few years now, but you see she's a true friend. She wants to hear what I have to say no matter what. She wants to be a part of my life and I want to thank her for being my TRUE FRIEND! She is so good at listening to me ramble on and on. lol


Blogger Mustang said...

i guess she just needs you by her side so that she can pour our her heart to you as well.. that may be the reason she keeps talking about herself...listen to all that she has to say about her life and things will be just fine between both of you.. true friendships never break.. they do stretch,have ups and downs, but never break..
weekend was sure fun.. had a school get together on saturday..met guys after like 6 years after school... check the pics...sunday was super fun..another bike club, lol. its addictive..
this fruit shop place is a real neat place. they make all kinds of juices and a great treat when the weather is really hot outside.. tea was the ordinary tea...milk boiled with milk and water. quite different from the ones available in the US though.. :)
so how was your weekend?? what was special for easter.. i finished my lent and am very happy.. back to meat eating.. glee

3:46 PM  
Blogger ceece said...

uggh I have a friend just like this.

She had one big shining moment a loong time ago in which she really saved my butt and helped me through some major stuff, but I can totally sympathize.

What can you do? I just try to take her with a grain of salt now.

Good luck!

3:52 PM  
Blogger Strong Enough said...

Sweetie, you know how I feel. I am sorry that she is making you feel so guilty when in fact SHE should be the one feeling the guilt for treating you this way. I think I told you before that you should write her a long letter and send it to her and put the ball back in your court. That way you have told her EVERYTHING that you are feeling. Maybe it will hit her like a ton of bricks. And if it doesn't then maybe it's time to let go. I love you and hope you find a answer you are looking for.

8:56 PM  
Blogger Pink Chihuahua Princess said...

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11:23 PM  
Blogger TNChick said...

Ya know, moving is hard. Being a military wife I know that first hand and I bet that is a lot of the reason why ya'l have drifted. I had a friend in CA that I was super close with and after we moved (she moved to CT and then I moved to TN (my home state) we just drifted. We rarely speak - rarely.. and actually seldomly email. We are so stinkin' close, too... she is due to movee to TN in like 6 mths as it's her home state as well... however a few hours away - I wonder if we'll ever reconnect?

I honestly say don't try so hard to keep the friendship alive as it takes two. If she acts the way she is (by readin' your post) she obviously isn't going to think much or give much and you must give to recieve.

I'm sorry :(

11:52 PM  
Blogger TNChick said...

"We are so stinkin' close, too"

should be WERE

11:53 PM  
Blogger Mustang said...

the school get together was held at a coffee pub called "coffee day". its a popular place here where friends gather to have a cup of coffee..we get a variety of coffees here, from hot coffee to cold coffee..and yes, everyone was having a splendid time, especially the b'day girl, priya who when she walked in, we gave her the bill rolled up in silver foil as her b'day, followed by the cake...some of us were meeting each other after almost 6 years... the cake is called " black forest".. its a chocklate cake with vanilla and cherries..absoultely delicious....:) i wasnt able to get pictures of the fruit shop, we were there around midnight time im there, sure thing....
we do have sweet tea here you add milk to it or just black tea with sugar...that is truly yummy...

2:07 AM  

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